Have you heard any whispers about that royal wedding that’s coming up? No? Well maybe you live under a rock in Wyoming. Or, maybe you live under the JumboTron in Times Square but just couldn’t care less. If so, this may not be the post for you.

See, I’m excited. I’ve told you how I revel in royal pomp and circumstance, and I can’t wait to see all of that in action on April 29. Everyone’s asking me if I’m going to get up early and watch, and I think I have to. I won’t be taking the day off like some people (ahem) I know. But even if I DVR the whole thing, I can’t miss watching the wedding coverage live, right? I’ll probably just set my alarm for 4 am, blearily fumble for the remote and watch it from under my covers until I have to go to work. Once I get there, my coworkers have planned a high tea in celebration while we watch whatever festivities are left. I’ll be making authentic sticky toffee pudding. If you want to do the same, here are some other recipes you could try.

It’s clear that royalty is one of my obsessions, but don’t worry — I haven’t bought the replica royal engagement ring, the commemorative Union Jack flag or even the china with their faces on it. I’m not really in to tacky tchotchkes in general. I will, however, commit to watching television. America’s gone wacky over this royal wedding and the coverage is about to blow up our television sets. It’s like the second British invasion. If you’re royally obsessed (like me) but have room on your DVR (not like me), there are plenty of opportunities to educate yourself on all things royal over the coming weeks. I’ve gathered what information I can find, so get to ready to burn up your remote!

If you have Comcast cable, it launched a Royal Wedding On Demand channel with biographies, specials and British movies. TLC is hosting a “Royal Wedding Week” preceding the wedding, and I’ve included its programming in the calendar below. It seems that every morning, entertainment and news shows (even the Weather Channel!) will be broadcasting live from London that week so you won’t be able to miss it even if you wanted to. So there.

The Royal Wedding TV Schedule — all times ET

Tuesday, April 12:

10:00 pm – Royally Mad with Cat Deeley (BBC America) – repeats multiple times during the next two weeks

Monday, April 18:

9:00 pm – William & Kate (Lifetime)
10:00 pm – 20/20 with Barbara Walters, “William & Catherine: A Modern Fairytale” (ABC)

Friday, April 22:

9:00 pm – Say Yes to the Dress: Princess Brides Special (TLC)

Sunday, April 24:

11:00 am – Diana’s Dresses (BBC America)
12:00 pm – Princess Diana: Her Life in Jewels (BBC America)
1:30 pm – Modern Monarchy: Here & There (BBC America)
2:00 pm – Prince William’s Africa documentary (BBC America)
3:00 pm – Prince William & Prince Harry: Into the Future (BBC America)
4:30 pm – William & Kate: A Fairytale Romance (BBC America)
7:00 pm – Charles and Di: Once Upon a Time (TLC)
7:00 pm – Dateline special on Kate Middleton and wedding preview (NBC)
9:00 pm – Untold Stories of a Royal Bridesmaid (TLC) – special with Princess Diana’s bridesmaid, India Hicks
10:00 pm – Royally Astounding: 30 Defining Days of the Monarchy (TLC)

Monday, April 25:

10:00 pm – Wild About Prince Harry (TLC)

Tuesday, April 26:

8:00 am – All The Queen’s Horses (BBC America)
9:00 am – Memories Of A Queen (Elizabeth II)
10:00 am – Modern Monarchy: Dos & Don’ts (BBC America)
11:00 am – Art of Diana (BBC America)
3:30 pm – William and Harry: The Brother Princes (BBC America)
10:00 pm – What the Sell?! Royal Episodes (TLC)

Wednesday, April 27:

8:00 am – Royal London (BBC America)
11:00 am – How to Be A Prince (BBC America)
8:00 pm – “Inside the Royal Wedding” special hosted by Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira (NBC)
10:00 pm – Extreme Royal Collections (TLC)

Thursday, April 28:

8:00 pm – 20/20, behind the scenes look at Catherine Middleton’s life as a princess (ABC)
8:00 pm – The Making of a Royal Wedding (TLC)
9:00 pm – Countdown to the Royal Wedding (TLC)
11:00 pm – Watch What Happens Live: Royal Wedding Spectacular with Andy Cohen (Bravo)

Friday, April 29:  Wedding Day!

Live coverage:

3:00 am – 8:30 am – BBC America simulcast with BBC One, live and commercial-free
4:00 am – 10:00 am – ABC News live from Buckingham Palace with Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters
4:00 am – NBC Today live coverage begins
4:00 am – 9:00 am – E!’s Wedding Day with Giuliana Rancic (E! Entertainment)
5:00 am – Royal wedding coverage begins on TLC
5:00 am – Royal wedding coverage begins on Telemundo
9:00 am – 1:00 pm – rebroadcast of Royal Wedding Coverage on TLC (encores April 29 at 8p and April 30)
11:00 am – live West Coast edition of Good Morning America

8:00 pm – “The Royal Wedding: Modern Majesty” with Katie Couric (CBS)
9:00 pm – 20/20 After the Wedding (ABC)
9:00 pm – Dateline Royal Wedding “instant documentary” (NBC)

Then we can all sleep.